Fun Date

This week I am leaving Oregon and so my friend Zach decided that we needed to go on a date before I left. We ended up going mini golfing and it was just a lot of fun! I am so lucky to have such good friends like him!

Janet's Birthday

SO a little bit ago my friend Janet turned 24 and so Zach, Jeramey, and I decided to surprise her and go get some desert. It was a lot of fun!

Bowling

I met a Zach at a Halloween party a while ago and since then we have become really good friends! Last week we decided to go Bowling of a friend date. It was so much fun hanging out all night with an awesome person!

Janet

This is my friend Janet and Me right after we went out to eat. She is probably my best friend in Portland and I love hanging out with her!

Halloween

Halloween this year was pretty fun! I went to two church party's where I got to hang out with my best friend in Oregon, Janet, and I also met some new friends! It was a lot of fun and then the second one was a costume party so I went in my Ravenclaw costume and I think I looked pretty good! I didn't take any good pictures but here are some ones I just did with my computers camera.

Emerson's Dream Day

I babysat Emerson for about two days a little bit ago and I decided I would treat him to an awesome day! So I decided to take him to this cool park I found. He had a lot of fun! This was followed by his favorite food chicken nuggets and fries and of course Jamba Juice, both of our addictions. Then we took pictures and finally I let him play "Flower Game". I think he had a really good day, I hope so anyway!

One year!

So It has officially been on year since I went into surgery last year, which is probably meaningless to most people but pretty significant to me! So I thought that I would open up and tell everyone exactly how I felt and what I learned from this surgery for those who are curious. Now I write a lot and all of this writing occurred after midnight so feel free to skip all of my post from today, in fact I encourage it because I kind of did this more for me than for anyone else and I don't tend to feel comfortable opening up as much as I did in these post. So if you do read them don't judge me cause I put a lot of myself in these, no matter how cheesy and whatever they may seem. So if you want to know then read on! For everyone else I will post something new tomorrow, maybe.

Before and After Pictures

So I decided to mash up pictures of me before and after the surgery. So I don't know if its just becuase I am so used to myself both now and then but I don't feel like I look very different even though i aparently do since I have two friends who didn't know me before recently tell me how unbelievably different I look but aww well. I adore these pictures because it shows not only how I look different and the same but it also shows me that somethings never change because I have found pictures that are scary close to once I have taken before this year. I also have pictures on facebook of more comparisons if you like these! The end.

A Crazy Crazy Year

So I don't know why but this feels like it is more like a new years then new years will be this year so I just thought I would reflect upon ALL the things that I have done in the past year becuase I think that is a pretty incredible how much can happen in one short year.

• I had a surgery that completely changed my looks and perspective on life.
• I moved away from home
• I attended my first year of college and rocked it!
• I saw my Grandpa get baptized
  
• I had my first kiss
• I had my heart broken for the first time and many times after that
• I fell in love
  
• I entered into my last year of being a teenager
• I learned to be more responsible
• I moved two the second new place of the year
• I learned how to deal with rejection from jobs
• I discovered what a real singles ward is like.
  
• I found out who my real friends are.

I'm sure there is more but I thought that most of that list is pretty dang significant and that it is crazy that that much has happened in just this year! Makes me wonder what next year will bring, or even the next two months of this year!

Trials and Challenges during the surgery

Surgery is probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, now understandably I haven't had to do a lot of hard things in my life seeing as I am only 19 and have been very privileged. But I think that this would have been hard for anyone. The thing about it is that it was not painful in the least bit. I remember the first day of surgery I was weak but not in pain at all. In fact I was making jokes and happy the day of the surgery, even though nobody understood me. Day two is when I really discovered what was hard about surgery. This is when I first started missing food, hating medicine, and hating not being able to talk. For the first week this is all I cared about. Eating through a syringe is probably the worst food related experience a person can have and that being the only way of getting food in you for weeks at a time is even worst. That same syringe is what I used to take my anti-bacterial medicine every 10 hours. This was the worst tasting thing I have ever had in my life, it was literally painful going down my throat. It felt like I was taking poison, which oddly enough on my last day of taking it I discovered that I was in fact allergic to this medicine and is was poison to me. Not being able to talk was also very discouraging since I would often want to make a joke out of my surgery to lighten the mood around my house and think of the surgery in a more positive light, but when no one could understand me it made it so I couldn't get myself to believe it either. Thankfully as time went by all of these issues became easier. About the fourth day after surgery I had a chick flick marathon with my sister and Mom and I feel like that brought my spirits up and around that same time I was able to be understood and that also made life a lot better. Soon I was able to force myself to go to the mall or to see a movie with the family. These all brought my spirits up again and I felt great again despite not being able to eat!

Unfortunately this was not the end of my challenges. Once I was able to eat without a siringe is when my next challenge came to surface. This was a wonderful wondeful day for my stomach! The second I was given permission to eat I went and got a McDonald's Hamburger and it was heaven! For the next week I rediscovered my love of food and everything tasted amazing, even things that used to taste horrible tasted awesome because I could eat them! But this is also the point where I started to look normal again. I know what you are thinking, "Olivia isn't that a good thing?". Well it is but not when looking normal is different then what you are used to. I looked in the mirror and I saw a girl who wasn't me. She has this huge chin, a big nose, and she couldn't smile the same way she used to. And that is when I started to feel pain from this surgery. My favorite thing about myself physically was my big smile that never seemed to leave my face. Someone once called it a permi-smile. I loved this about myself. But I looked at myself in the mirror and for an hour I tried to smile and I couldn't see any teeth and it was ugly and I ws very unhappy. I thought that this is how I was going to look for the rest of my life. I know that some people told me that I was still swollen and that it wasn't permanent but I looked in the mirror and I saw who I was becomeing and I was not happy. This is what I struggled with the most and for the longest period of time. Thankfully I realized about a month later that i would be able to smile again and It would still be big and beautiful but for that time this was scaring.

The final major challenge during surgery was seeing people who knew me before and having to face them. Now don't get me wrong, most people were very nice and pretended that the change in my looks didn't matter. But I hated it! I hated the looks in peoples eyes of shock and sadness or sympathy in some. I hated it when people didn't recognize me at all, I hated this feeling in my stomach whenever I saw someone else who I hadn't seen since the surgery. It was simply dreadful. This trial simply went away from time and from accepting how I looked myself. So yeah those were the main trials during the surgery. Yay?

What Surgery Has Taught Me

So in the past year I have learned a lot about myself and who I am. Now I would like to say that I have always had a pretty good grasp on who I am and I have always been able to keep a positive attitude through trials. Even through a big experience like moving from Georgia, I was the only one who was somehow able to stay positive for the first little bit. So what is surprising to me is that what I ultamentaly learned from this experience is something I already thought I knew. But apparently not since I learned it for real this time.

So first thing I learned from surgery is to keep a positive attitude no matter how bad life seems. Now this is a lesson that I think that I will still have to learn again because as this year progressed I learned this lesson again and again for different reasons, so I really should just remember it now as to be happier my next trial. But during this experience I didn't have the best attitude in the beginning, or middle for that matter. I was actually pretty negative even though I tried to hide the fact that I was negative from the people around me. This is what ultamentely led to my downfall. This is what made me believe that life was never going to be great again and that I was never going to be able to smile again or whatever other irrational thoughts I was having. If I just kept my perspective and remembered to have a positive attitude my life would have been a lot easier and a lot happier. Not to mention when I was finally able to force myself to be positive my healing process began to speed up and I felt stronger and healed faster. Its amazing how a little perspective helps a person not only emotionally but physically. And now looking at myself I realize again that life is never as bad as it seems and so I should always stay positive and to "Come what may and love it".

The second thing I have re-learned is that looks do not define me, or to quote someone who went through much more and much worst then me, I am Olivia Bush and I am not my body. (ps, of you want to see something great go watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHDvxPjsm8E, it is truly amazing how this woman has lived her life despite trials that are terrible and she has not had the happy result that I have) But when I first had the surgery I told myself over and over again that my looks didn't matter, but I don't think that I completely believed myself. That is why when people looked shocked when seeing me, I cringed and hated it. So when I found myself looking normal again I felt good again but not even that completely cured the way I felt. I felt like I lost myself when my looks changed. So even when I passed that awkward swollen stage and started to look (I hate to say this but it is true) even more beautiful then I looked before, I still didn't feel right. In fact I think the fact that I look even more pretty then before made me feel even worst because I had this sense of having something similar to plastic surgery, where I purposefully changed myself to look better. But as time has gone by I realize that this isn't the case. I have come to realize that without a doubt I will always be myself, whether I am gorgeous or ugly or somewhere in between, and that is what makes me truly beautiful. I will always be Olivia Bush, the girl who is friends with everyone, especially outcasts, the girl who is way to confident for her own good, the girl who is sarcastic in every way, the girl who can't think of anything really defining about herself even though there is a thousand more things she probably could write. This is what really makes me attractive to people and is what makes me who I am, the good looks are just a bonus ;).

The next thing I have learned is that time not only heals scares but it turns them into good memories. Even though this doesn't sound like I am looking back at a fond memory, really when I think back to those last two months in NY, I really think that they were great times! It was fun shocking my dad by being over confident even when I couldn't talk and it was the opposite of true. It was a lot of fun having chick flick marothons, and watching Firefly, Doll House, Angel, Stargate, NCIS, and whatever shows I watched with Emily and Lyle. It was fun being served and not feeling bad when skipping church. For the most part when i think back at the surgery it was a good time! Sure it didn't feel like it when it was happening but now I look back and smile. So in conclusion, time is our friend.

Forth I learned that eating from a syringe in gross, 'nough said.

Fifth, I have learned that showing people pictures of yourself who never knew you before jaw surgery is a lot of fun. Doing the reverse was horrible but seeing other peoples reaction is pretty hilarious. This might have something to do with time healing and positive attitude though.

Sixth, And finally because if you know me at all you would know that a six part list is perfect for me :). But anyway, Sixth, if you must have a life changing experience that teaches you some life lessons, you should do it before college because it makes a great paper for any class that asks you to write a personal paper. I swear I have told every teacher I have ever had this experience at some point and it has become the easiest paper in the world! So yeah, advantage!

My testimony

So this is pretty cheesy but I thought I would share my testimony on here because having this surgery has also increased my faith in God. So I would like to say that more then anything I have learned from this challenge and blessing in my life is that Heavenly Father is always there for me no matter what and that the first thing that defines me is that I am a daughter of God. Over anything else that I have learned this a one thing I know without a doubt. I would also like to share a scripture that has helped me through some of the biggest trials I have had this year, surgery related and non-surgery related. So one night I was really struggling with whatever and it was just hard day and so I said a prayer and the tried opening my scriptures and reading. This is something I have tried before but has never been effective but this night I found a scripture that really helped me that night. It is Alma 36:3 and it says "And now, O my son Helaman, behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that whosoever shall put their ^atrust in God shall be supported in their ^btrials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be ^clifted up at the last day." This really comforted me, knowing that I just needed to trust in God and that he would be there for me and support me through whatever I was going through. This scripture has since shown up a multitude of times whenever I need a reminder that Heavenly Father is here for me and he will support me. So I know that this is true, and that I am a daughter of God, and that I am loved by Him. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

Super Scary Surgery pictures!

These are my really ugly and bad pictures of me during my surgery. You can see why I was so discouraged during the surgery! The last picture is one then Emily compiled that gave me real hope during the surgery. It showed me looking normal after the two longest weeks of my life.

This is the day after my surgery, with my sexy big lips...
This is day four when I finally could force a smile again. well sorta...
This is day six, where the bruises really came out!
Day 12?
Week 2, I look normal :)

A great picture...